So you got tickets to tonight’s game and you find out it’s free t-shirt give-away night! You cannot contain your excitement; it’s your lucky day. You wonder what color it will be and what the design is going to look like. You better leave the house extra early to get downtown and parked in enough time to be one of the first 10,000 people through the gate to receive said freebie. There’s nothing worse than watching them run out right before your eyes. If only you hadn’t been so polite when you stopped the car for those people trying to cross the street, who, by the way, will get their t-shirts in plenty of time. Bastards.
Let’s pretend you make it on time. You can almost touch the fresh thin cotton. Your ticket is scanned, purse is searched and body patted down (if you’re at a Bengals game). The friendly volunteer with a huge smile on her face finally hands you the prize. An XL t-shirt. Dammit. I wear a women's small, sometimes medium. This will never work. You look at your husband and say “does your dad want another t-shirt?” as he laughs at you. My father-in-law gets all the goods that I’ll never wear. Lucky guy.
I understand, really I do. It makes sense to hand out a shirt that will fit the masses. A grown man doesn’t want to hear that they ran out of XL’s and is offered a size small. This simply won’t do. But ca’mon, the ladies need something to wear too. Our husbands don’t want us spending $30 on a t-shirt in the store there in the arena/stadium but yet they’re the ones who get one for free. If they handed out size smalls and he wanted to feel included, I would let him buy a t-shirt… if it was on sale. Maybe.
The best place that I have gotten small t-shirts on freebie night is at the Columbus Clippers baseball games. Now they know how to do it right. They even hand out mediums and larges sometimes. None of this XL only garbage. And yes, I still wear my free t-shirts to the games. And yes, I’ve also bought a Clippers t-shirt there in the store. Off the clearance rack. I mean really, $30 for a t-shirt? Be real.
Oh and by the way, yes, I do snag the free t-shirts even if I'm not at a home game. I have an Andrew McChuchen (Pittsburgh Pirates) shirt on now. And it's a small. Winning!